Go Globalls, Brighton

Do you like dinosaurs? Do you like golf? Do you like UV shizzle?

If you answered yes to all three questions, or yes to the first two and a tentative maybe to the third, then we have the perfect attraction for you…

The brilliantly named, Globalls, is a crazy golf experience like no other! Instead of the usual mini-windmills or clown face obscuring your hole (not like that), they have dinosaurs. Big bloody dinosaurs that not only try and prevent your shot but are covered in an array of UV paint patterns.

Although not strictly accurate in their size and colour, completing 18 holes of golf surrounded by a variety of triceratops and velociraptors is a heck load of fun, and an experience not enough people have enjoyed.

For just £5 per person you get your neon ball, scorecard, clipboard and glowing ended club and can pay a little extra for UV glasses, which we did of course!


It’s a trippy yet very fun affair from the get go. While waiting in the little reception the staff let you know what to expect and how it all works. This is done in a very polite, fun, succinct manner devoid of patronisation; which you do want as a 26 year old adult going crazy golfing. The whole thing just makes you think ‘why has no one mixed the Jurassic era and golfing before now?’

Globalls is understandably a very popular haunt, being one of the better Brighton Marina attractions, but people are pretty patient if you’re taking your time on a hole, or you can just stop after 11 shots of twatting an Iguanodon in the face with your ball.

The Ninny and I went with my sister and brother-in-law but there were people of all ages laughing, admiring the oddly realistic neon creations and pictures are an absolute must, in fact staff encourage it. How often do you get to stand side on in front of a velociraptor using a club as a rifle and whisper “clever girl” before pretending to be attacked?

Anyway, shoddy Jurassic Park re-enactments aside, Globalls is a bargain, so much fun and actually quite challenging in parts. Overall it gets my rawr-ing approval!  

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