As asked for by the people of Brighton & Hove, BOAB is pleased to bring you a Rude Recipe- Mozzarella, Tomato and Spinach Stuffed Pork. This is so easy to any f**kwit could do it.
1 pork tenderloin, medium size will feed 4-6 people
Packet of pancetta slices or streaky bacon if you’re a bit of a spiv
2 oz mozzarella cheese, thinly sliced
1/2 cup steamed or boiled until soft spinach, fresh
1/4 cup sun dried tomatoes, dry
2 garlic cloves, crushed
Salt and pepper to taste
Fresh vegetables of your choosing (not gonna tell you how to do this as most high functioning adults should, in this humble writers opinion, be able to boil a f**ing potato!)
-Preheat oven to 180C fan oven or whatever equivalent you use for your piece ‘o shite oven.
-Cut into the pork lengthwise so it can be opened up like slutty meat book. Don’t be a prick and cut all the way through (if you do cut the whole thing in half then wear the halves as meat socks or stuff them down your undies for a treat!)
-Rub the meat with a good pinch of salt, pepper and the garlic.
-Give it meat a gentle but right good hammering so it is malleable but not so much it becomes wafer thin. You’ll know when to stop you, or you should do!
-Get your tomatoes, mozzarella and cooked spinach, which I recommend you let cool so you don’t burn the f**k out of your wee snosage fingers, and cram it in your pork pocket. I do spinach first, mozz’ second and tomatoes third.
-Fold your meat flaps together as best you can so you’re left with a visceral looking sausage of pork. You can use tooth picks or cooking string to hold the chap together if you’ve been a bit heavy handed or overly generously with your stuffing.
-Place on a baking tray in the middle of your preheated oven and cook for 20-25 minutes. You want the meat juice to run clear and be piping hot.
-Let the sucka rest for 10-15 minutes on a cutting board and wrap it in foil while you wait. This will give the meat time to contemplate its impending doom.
-While waiting you could violently masturbate to pictures of Dame Judi Dench, start a small sacrificial fire to whichever fictional deity suits you or just look longingly out the window thinking of how your life could have been before you decided to bother cooking this delicious shit.
-When you’re done with whatever time-passing skullf**kery you get up to carve the meat into slices. If you’re now thinking “how thick should I cut it? errrhh the recipe doesn’t say?” Apply your limited common sense!
-Season and serve…
Thanks for reading you dangleberry! Next week we talk steak and how not to make a tit of yourself with it.